


Join Me

by AuroraNoirInStardust



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Dry Humping, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Bond Shenanigans, Heartbreak, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Kleenex Warning, More angst, My First Smut, Rey needs a teacher, Smut, There might be some fluff to round out the angst, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, one small moment of accidental pregnancy kink- find it for a cyber cookie!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-16 08:09:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18090629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuroraNoirInStardust/pseuds/AuroraNoirInStardust
Summary: Rey slammed the door on Kylo Ren after Crait. But when she feels that it may be Ben knocking on their bond, can she really keep their door closed?





	1. Closed

**Author's Note:**

> This little dribble popped into my head after we got the rumors of a year time jump between 8 and 9 and my brain went, "BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BOND?". A story started to form in my head which bled to the page and thus, Join Me was born.
> 
> I cannot express enough thanks to dear [Cosmogonika](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cosmogonika/pseuds/Cosmogonika) for taking me under her wing for this and being my alpha. She's a sweetheart and a darling and has taught me SOOO much about this world and just writing in general. She's a freaking brilliant writer and you should all go check out her stories right now if you haven't already! Merci beaucoup!!!!
> 
> Comments and Kudos give me life! :)

 

 

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/145808226@N04/32447130817/in/dateposted-public/)

 

 

328 days. 12 hours. 9 minutes.

 

That’s how long Rey had locked Ben out of their bond.

With Snoke gone, they found that control over when they contacted each other- and whether or not they opened their connection- was now on their hands. But both had to want it. One would knock, so to speak. Pull on that invisible thread that seemed to be tied to their hearts. And the other could answer it. That’s how they figured they connected in those last moments on Crait. Something deep within them both reached out to the other and the bond bloomed.

It’s also when Rey felt, for the first time, that she could slam it shut. The feeling of disappointment- in him, in herself, in the Force- had been overwhelming at that moment. And that look in those damn eyes of his, that penetrating, heartbroken stare... No. She could not let him play her heart with those pleading eyes. Not when the wounds were so fresh. Not when she had the entirety of the Resistance depending on her and her alone.

So she closed the door to the Falcon and simultaneously slammed the invisible door shut. The act of closing it actually echoed in her head and she felt the reverberations shatter the already cracked pieces of her heart. And it hurt- really truly hurt... the wind was knocked out of her lungs and she had fallen to her knees.

328 days. 12 hours. And now, 10 minutes.

He’d tried to open the bond, yanking at their thread. In the days following Crait, he’d knocked incessantly, begging, pleading for her to open up. His pull was so strong that it ached somewhere deep in her chest, playing with her broken heartstrings and picking fresh the wound in her soul.

His frequency lessened as she continued to deny him access to her. But his persistence did not. Often at night, when he knew she would be alone, he would try to get her to answer him. And over time, those tugs turned gentle, sweet... almost like a caress. And that gentleness pained her more. She wished he would violently demand that she open up, send her that sick, twisted sensation that said: “I can take whatever I want”. Then, at least she could hate him and convince herself that it was solely Kylo Ren on the other end. But those sweet touches would coax tears to fall from her eyes and make her heart ache for _Ben_. More nights than she wanted to admit, she muffled her sobs into her pillow and cried herself to sleep.

She’d answered him once, about a month after Crait. He must have known she could only deny him so long. That one day he’d catch her in a moment of weakness. And oh that memory had made her shudder...

 

**…  
…**

 

It was late at night, while the rest of the Resistance slept. Rey felt that gentle pull of him nudging the bond, that strange way he learned to manipulate his callout to feel like he was before her, caressing her cheek with his fingertips.

She was tired. Tired of hiding from his pleas. Tired of the sheer energy it took to shut him out. She took a deep, shaking breath and she closed her eyes, leaning her cheek into the feeling of his fingers.

Their connection sparked to life like a flint. The room went eerily quiet around her; the only sound was her own heartbeat thundering in her ears. And then, those ghosted fingers at her face materialized into bare hands, their warmth radiating into her skin. She sucked in the air around her at the shock of his touch, her nose taking in the faint scent of leather that permeated his flesh. Her eyes flung open, meeting his. Even in the dark, with the only illumination the sliver of moonlight coming in from her window, his fathomless eyes held her captive.

“Rey...” He whispered into the darkness and the quiet tenderness of his tone shook her to her core. He fell to his knees before her, look of amazement washing over him, as if he was in complete disbelief that she had allowed him in, opened their bond and that his trembling hand was truly _touching_ her.

She wondered at the quaking in his hands and then it washed over her that he’d never touched her on his own. He’d taken her hand- or rather brushed her fingertips- but only after she’d offered. And yes, he’d carried her unconscious in his arms, but there had been something protecting him from true, physical contact. Now, he was ungloved, unmasked and sans any flourish of armor or regalia. She felt her breath quicken as he stood bare of his dark persona. Any anger she harbored was held at bay as he contemplated her in the moonlight.

His eyes left hers and studied his hand on her face. His fingers grazed the blooming bruises of lost sleep. She saw concern pass over his brow, darken his gaze as he took in the red-rimmed eyes and fresh tears sliding down her cheeks. He moved to brush them away, his gentleness making her breath hitch. How could those hands, capable of heinous violence and stained in so much blood, touch her with such tenderness?

Caught up in the heat of his stare, in his touch, she reached up and pressed her hand to his. His whole palm cupped her cheek, warm and solid somehow, even though he was lightyears away from her. She let a small sigh escape her lips and his free hand pressed to her other cheek, holding her face.

“Still so lonely... Even surrounded by friends,” he whispered out. She was taken aback for a moment, noticing that there was no pain of him forcing his way inside her head. But of course. While his touch and smell and other senses seemed to work within their strange connection, mind tricks did not. He had pulled those emotions from her eyes, from what she was projecting through the void within their bond.

His thumb stroked her heated skin and trailed down to her lips. Her heart all but stopped when he traced the outline of them, following her Cupid’s bow from one side to the other, making his way down to her full bottom lip. He seemed to concentrate for a moment as he pushed down on the center just enough to make her lips part, then released it, watching it flush with color. His eyes followed his thumb’s movements, widening at the change his touch caused in her.

When he brought his gaze back up to capture hers, there was a hunger there, an intensity like she had seen in throne room the moment after the last guard fell. It had frightened her then, as her brain had screamed to her that one touch from him meant crossing the point of no return.

Now, it still frightened her, but more than that, she found it excited her. The hand she wasn’t holding trailed from her face, down her neck, the rough calluses from combat creating gooseflesh down her body. She could feel his breath grow ragged as his hand found rest at her collar bone, large palm encircling her throat possessively, but without the threat of harm, still tinged with that startling gentleness.

And then she felt him lean toward her. She panicked momentarily and breathed out “What are you doing, Ben?” His chocolate orbs bore into her hazel ones; she swallowed as they _burned_ through her.

His voice came out lower than she’d ever heard it, rumbling in his throat, “What I should have done back in the throne room... in your little hut...” At his words, she unconsciously captured her bottom lip with her teeth and he noticed, causing him to lick his own. “What has haunted my dreams for so long...” With that he lunged forward and pressed his lips to hers, claiming her with a passionate kiss.

She moaned in protest at first but found that she made no move to truly resist him. His soft lips swallowed the sounds she made. His hand at her throat tightened just enough to remind her it was there and his other hand wound in her hair as the base of her neck, gently pulling her head back. She heard her own voice growl as her lips began to return his kisses, fire igniting deep in her belly. Strange, she thought, how a kiss could make her feel so utterly possessed by him. His tongue pleaded for entrance and she obeyed it. She heard him moan as their embrace deepened and she reached her hands up to cup his face. He slowed his mouth and broke the kiss a moment later. They both sighed in reluctance to be separated and he leaned his forehead against hers.

“That was...” He panted out.

“Ah-huh...” was all that fell from her kiss drunk lips.

“I needed to see you, Rey. I was beginning to give up hope that you would answer me.” He tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. “You were so angry with me. Disappointed...”

“Oh, I’m still angry. I’m still disappointed.” She was breathless, lips swollen and itching for his. “But if you keep kissing me, I might forget— “

And she sprang forward, unable to stop herself from recapturing his lips with hers. She felt his mouth curl into a smirk beneath her and suddenly the kiss turned hungry and desperate. He came up from his knees and began leaning into her, pushing her back against the bed. Her arms wrapped around his neck as she found herself on her back, Ben’s large frame pinning her to the mattress. He left her mouth and began trailing fire from the corner of it to her cheek, down the column of her throat, laving her pulse point.

“Ben...” She panted out. It was half desire and half hesitation. He seemed to sense both emotions swirling in her and snapped his eyes up to hers, lips at her throat but stilled, waiting for her to speak. Feeling words failing to form, she sent her confusion to him through the bond, how she was trying to grapple with the mixed emotions of anger and desire and fear... and just how the hell she ended up beneath him, craving his mouth on her when any other night, she had wanted to gut him for pestering her. In response, he buried his face into the crook of her neck and breathed her in. His lips pursed against the spot where her neck met her shoulder, kissing it with a sweetness that almost brought tears to her eyes.

“I don’t know either,” he whispered out against the sensitive skin there, peppering light kisses up to rest just below her ear. “It’s a pull beyond my comprehension. You’ve enraptured me. Ever since I saw you in the forest, you’ve held me captive.”

_Don’t overthink this, Rey._ He pleaded to her through their bond. _Just say you want me. Say you need me. Please... Say you missed me._

And she didn’t overthink. She let pure emotion take over and whispered out. “Yes, Ben.”

And she had missed him... hadn’t she? Her soul had attached itself to his so quickly that the physical pain of shutting him out was too much to bear. Her soul had ripped to pieces when she refused to join him. She had missed their connection this past month. Missed the sudden and frightening feeling of belonging, how their bond seemed to hum and sing whenever they were together.

He groaned and his hand at her throat traced down her body. He ghosted his fingerprints down her ribs before reaching her abdomen. His whole hand splayed out against her stomach, spanning from hip to hip. They both stared down at where he rested between them. There was something strangely tender and overwhelmingly intimate about his hand laying _there_ , on the slight swell of her belly. So innocent but filled with things neither one of them dare speak. He nervously played at the hem of her shirt, fingertips just grazing the skin of her stomach.

“Do you... do you want me to stop, Rey?” His eyes rose back to hers, searching for permission. Words died on her tongue. Instead, she moved a hand down to his to steady it against her, then slowly guided it up until it cupped her breast through the fabric of her shirt. He let out a curse between clenched teeth and she arched into his hand. His lips attached themselves to her neck again, suckling enough to mark her. She stilled for a moment in his arms, wondering how was going to explain the sudden appearance of what she was sure were multiple bruises in the shape of Ben’s mouth to all her friends come morning. But then his lips found _that_ spot, right over the beat of her heart at their throat, and all coherent thought or concern for consequence flew out the window as her eyes rolled into the back of her head. His hand started to squeeze and explore the soft swell of her curves, fingers just lightly grazing over the hardened peak of her nipple through her thin shirt and she was done for. She muffled his name in a string of sound, intermingled with moans and gasps, that sounded wild and foreign to her ears.

A sinful noise escaped from somewhere deep in his chest and he rumbled out, “Do you have any idea what the sound of my name on your lips does to me?” His pupils were blown wide with lust. Emboldened by hearing his true name in passion and feeling her writhe beneath him, he shifted his weight, placing a knee between her legs and guided them open. He was met with no resistance from her as his hips settled against her and he tentatively ground himself against her core. Rey arched up into him again with a gasp, cradling him with her legs and he snuck an arm under her to keep her pressed against his warm body.

Ben made his way back up to her lips, his kisses almost brutal in their desperation. Rey fisted her hands in his hair, wrapping her legs around his waist instinctually as he continued to move his hips with slow experimentation. She blushed upon feeling his desire pressing against her, even more so at the slick warmth pooling where they met. She moaned low into his mouth. This was all happening so fast that her mind was whizzing to process, trying to fight through the crushing desire that his hands, his mouth, his body were drowning her in. She was coming undone, slowly, and she was powerless to do anything but allow herself to fall apart at his ministrations.

His lips left her mouth with a huff from her, but he traveled his kisses to her ear, nipping at the lobe and whispering into the shell of it. “I want all of you, Rey. I want to give you all of me. I want to make you scream my name and mark you as mine, from the inside out, so everyone knows that you belong to me. Just think of all we could do. Together. United.” He felt her unravel at his words, gasping out his name so softly he barely heard it. He used the arm wrapped around her to lift her bodily and shifted them on the bed, laying her gently against the thin pillow of her cot. His hands found hers, untangling them from his hair and lacing their fingers, bringing them up above her head, opening her up to him as he continued to cover her neck, her face, her lips with hot kisses.

“Ben... please...” she entreated, not even sure what she was pleading for, wrapped in a haze of ecstasy. She squeezed his hands and rocked her hips against his, matching the pace he set.

“Come to me, Rey. Please...” And he kissed her sweetly and fully. “Leave all this behind and join me.”

Those words, ‘join me’ and ‘please’.... so familiar. They gave her pause and she pulled out of the kiss to look at him “What?”

“I know you want this, Rey. _Please_ come to me.” He took the lobe of her ear in between his teeth and nibbled before whispering, “You’re already my Queen. I’d make you Empress”

“Ben... Don’t do this now. I don’t want— “

He cut her off sharply “But you _do_ , Rey. Don’t deny it.” She tried to roll from under him, but he held her in place, both arms still held above her head by one of his large hands. He used the other one to make her look at him by capturing her chin. “I’ve felt it, Rey. Do you know that? I’ve felt your sadness, your despair. Every tear. Every ache of loneliness... It ripples through our bond to me. You may have shut me out from seeing you, but I can still _feel_ you and I _know_ you missed me.” And then that haughty tone that she associated so with the Kylo side of him started to creep into his words “And look at you now...” He ran his fingers from her flushed cheeks, over her kiss-swollen lips, tracing the bruises he’d given her at her neck, following her body all the way down to cup the apex of her thighs, a smirk growing on his face to feel how he affected her. “Flushed and wet and ready… _You want me._ But it’s not just your body. It’s your heart. It’s your soul.” He placed his hands on her hips as he gave her a slow thrust, making sure she felt **all** of him. “Can’t you feel what you do to me? How much I want you? Just come to me and you’ll never spend another night alone, crying yourself to sleep...”

His words, his actions shattered that lust filled haze that had clouded her thoughts. “Was... was that what this was all about? Where you quite literally trying to seduce me to the Dark?”

He let out a small snort of amusement, “I don’t know if seduce is the right word. Rey, you can’t hide your desire from me. You’re burning with it. You’re begging for me...” And he leaned back down in an attempt to recapture her lips.

But she pushed him off her with a fierce shove. “How dare you...”

His hands immediately went up in surrender, “Rey, I wasn’t— “

“You’re a complete nerfherder, you know that?” She sat up in bed and adjusted the rumpled state of her clothes. “ _‘Burning for you’_? Kriff, Ben. How far would you have taken this?”

“How far would _I_ have taken this?” He stood up, backing away from her. “I was following your lead. _You_ were—”

“Oh, so this is my fault?” And she followed him to standing, straightening her spine, a new kind of fire igniting within her. She huffed as she continued sarcastically, “Yes, I was leading the great Supreme Leader of the Galaxy on. I was just— oh, how did you put it— _begging_ him to fuck me?”

He glared down at her from his full height, “Don’t put it like that, Rey.”

“How _should_ I put it?” Her arms crossed sternly over her chest. “How else should I interpret what you were attempting just now?”

Her indignation was rolling off her in waves, mixing with the rage that slowly began to radiate from him. The way their emotions fed each other, blurred into one another was almost as intoxicating as their mutual lust had been. Their bond seemed to intensify and connect every little feeling between them. She watched him take a deep breath as if attempting to stay focused, “Force, Rey... It was not my intention—”

Her eyes burned, “So what the hell was your intention? ‘Honorable’ doesn’t seem to be in your vocabulary, so if you weren’t trying to have your way with me—”

And that sent him careening to the edge of his restraint. He let out a strangled grunt of frustration. The push and pull of their emotions and the sharp sting of her words bubbled over and he advanced on her, grabbing her by the shoulders “I just wanted to see you!” His voice echoed in the silent vacuum of their bond and she stared up at him with wide eyes. Whatever she had been expecting him to say, it certainly had not been that- something so... _innocent_ \- quite the contrast to what had just happened between them. He seemed to register the shock and confusion on her face and he closed his eyes, drawing a deep breath into his lungs. When he spoke, his voice was softer and he tried to draw her closer to him. “You shut me out. I can’t... I don’t seem to function the same without you now. The loneliness was all consuming. And then being able to feel your misery...” She jerked herself out of his arms and with him surrounding her and nowhere to run she lowered herself back to the bed. He ran his hand through his hair, “And yes! I kissed you. If you truly did not want that, I apologize but based on the fact that you launched yourself at me directly after... I highly doubt that.”

She glared up at him and then sardonically retorted “So, the rest of... of _this_... was because what? You were sad?”

“Rey— “

“Shush! You were trying to cloud my head, get me worked up enough to drop my defenses. Admit it, Ben!”

“FINE!” he barked. “I could tell your inhibitions were lowering and I took advantage of it. Is that what you want me to say? But only because you seemed to feel the same way I do. And I thought maybe you would come to me if you knew that this... passion was mutual.” He crouched down before her, putting himself at eye level with her, voice dropping to that smooth, deep register that she knew he could feel went straight to her core. “And you want me to be honest about my intentions? I’d still call them honorable, though neither of our honors would survive intact.” Her mouth ran dry and he slowly placed his hands on her hips, caging her in, his thumbs coaxing small circles into her skin. “I told you, you’re not alone. _Come to me_ , Rey, and I’ll show you _exactly_ what I mean by that. I want you. By my side as my counterpoint, my equal. And in my bed as my lover. I’ve never felt this kind of lust, this kind of connection, the need to possess someone so fully and wholly. You are mine, Rey.”

She leaned into him and she knew that he thought she was submitting. She saw the light of hope ignite in his eyes, _felt_ his pulse pick up speed as she brought her face to his, their lips hovering so close she could feel the heat of him. He was the one begging now, breath and eyes and quivering lips pleading for her to kiss him, to accept him. Instead, she slapped him with her words, “I’m not your possession, Ben.” And she spat out his name like poison. “I don’t belong to anyone, especially _not_ you.”

“But you do.” And his grip on her hips tightened. “We are tied together. Bound. You _are_ mine. _**Mine**_.” And he crushed his mouth to hers, taking her almost violently.

This time she physically _slapped_ him, sharp and fierce, connecting with his jaw. The sick sound of her open palm to bone rang in her ears. He paused, chest heaving, before slowing turning his face back to hers. She expected his eyes to glitter with darkness and rage. Maybe even violence. Instead, he looked flabbergasted.

“You…” He stammered. “You slapped me…”

“Yes, I did. And, Force help me, I won’t hesitate to do it again. I am not yours to possess, to channel your lust!” Her whole body was tensed, ready to defend herself as she had taught herself to do from a young age on Jakku. But the fact that this was _Ben_ who was making her react in such a way was starting to gnaw at her heart.

His hands clenched into fists, leather straining and he slammed them against his own thighs as he grunted out, “Rey… You are twisting my words to make it sound like I’m using you and that is a far cry from—”

“But you are using me, Ben. That is exactly what you are doing.” Her voice sounded like it was on the verge of breaking down, her fire being overpowered by her feeling of betrayal. “And you’ve twisted my feelings. You said it yourself. You could feel my sadness, my despair, every tear... You used that to pester and prod at me to get me to open the bond.” She screamed in frustration and buried her face in her hands to hide the tears collecting in her eyes, pushing herself as far away from him as she could. “I was so stupid. I was weak and stupid and _kriff_... I’m such a fool. I let you yet again manipulate me! You knew how lonely I was. You knew that I actually felt for you... You used that to try and get what you want… and I all but gave it to you...”

And she did feel used, almost to the point of feeling dirty. She cursed the memory of the way her treacherous body had reacted to his. As she spat out her accusations, she watched his stare’s intensity increase and sensed him grow livid. He growled and a pounded a fist to the floor, opening his mouth to speak. Not able to stand hearing him berate her or worse, try to defend his actions, the dam of tears at her eyes burst wide and they cascaded down her face, spilling over and through her fingers. She let out a sob and everything in Ben’s body seemed to melt, anger retreating and features softening. She felt the shift, felt something almost primal rise in him. This time it wasn’t lust or possession. She felt his need to comfort, to console, to soothe. He reached out to her, “Oh, Rey...I wasn’t... I didn’t mean for it...”

“Shut up!” She interjected, batting at his outstretched hand. “Don’t touch me! I am not yours! Stop acting like you _own_ me or like you know everything about me!” She rubbed her forehead, taking a few slow breathes. “I’m done, Ben. I can’t... I can’t do this... whatever this is... anymore. I will never be what you want me to be. And I... I just can’t...”

“Don’t do this Rey... please.” He looked at her with absolute desperation, hands clenching and unclenching as if he wanted to grab for her and hold on with all his might, to do anything to make her stay. She saw it in his eyes, the moment he chose to play his last card. “Rey. Listen to me. I love—“

“NO! Don’t you _dare_ use that word!” And she glared at him, so viciously that he truly felt the daggers in her stare. Her voice shook and cracked “Don’t you dare say what you can’t take back! Don’t try to win me over with a lie!”

“I have never lied to you! NEVER!” He grabbed her by the shoulders, bringing his face nose to nose with hers, that dangerous lividity coming to an instant head as she called him a liar. “You’ve gotten so used to the loneliness and the abandonment that you are terrified that someone might actually want to stay. You keep pushing me out, running away from what you know is true. You saw the same future I did, Rey. _I_ am your belonging. But if you keep rejecting me, if you keep everyone at arm’s length, then you will never be more than the nobody I found in that forest.”

Her mouth hung open for a moment, registering the twist of the knife in his words. He dropped his viselike grip on her arms and she felt regret flood his body. But before he could speak again, she narrowed her eyes and hissed out, “Goodbye, Kylo.”

The reaction to her using _that_ name, for the very first time to his face, was immediate: his expression pained, as if she'd plunged an icy blade deep into his chest and she had just enough time to register the utter devastation that washed over his face before she slammed their bond shut and bolted the lock. She crumpled from exhaustion and humiliation and betrayal and cried herself dry.

 

**…  
…**

 

Even after that disastrous confrontation, he never stopped trying to reach her. But his caresses turned back to pulls. And after a while, he only seemed to nudge the bond every few weeks, as if to make sure she was still there.

Months had passed.

She never again opened the bond to him. But for some reason that she could not understand- or rather that she continued to deny to herself- she always made sure that he knew that she had felt his call.

And it was that little flaw in her nature, that fact that her heart still stuttered at his tiny pokes to their connection, that made her fear that he would again find just the right moment to break down her wall.

And now- 328 days. 12 hours. 25 minutes.

She had no idea that that moment would happen so soon.


	2. Opened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unspeakable tragedy causes Ben and Rey to reconnect after 10 months apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The conclusion of my little one-shot turned two-shot. I'm gunna give you a kleenex warning for this chapter. It all gets worse before it gets better.
> 
> More love and thanks to my alpha [Cosmogonika](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cosmogonika/pseuds/Cosmogonika) for kicking my butt. She helped me fix a HUGE issue with this chapter and I am eternally grateful for her guidance!

 

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/145808226@N04/47388926621/in/dateposted-public/)

 

328 Days. 12 hours. 25 minutes.

 

Mental tick-marks. Like the ones that she used to make on the wall of her tiny home on Jakku. She hated that her heart knew exactly how long it had been. Hated that it still ached with each pass of the second hand. Hated that she could still sense him, like a lingering shadow through dense fog in the back of her mind.

They were holed up in an old base on Yalvin 4. Not for good. Just as a place to lay low for a little while. Rey never got used to being in one place too long. She’d lost track of the number of times they’d moved over the past 10 months, hopping from point to point, trying to gain support. Trying to grow their numbers.

Rey had become a symbol. A beacon. A temptation for new recruits. “We have the Last Jedi on our side”, she’d heard Poe say one day. It had made her uncomfortable. When she tried to explain to him that she was no Jedi, just barely understood any of this power she possessed, he told her that didn’t matter. That she was the perfect bait to lure those who were on the edge.

 _Perfect bait_. He’d actually used those words. Deep down, she knew what he meant, but it still cut her deep. It still made her feel used.

Today, she was told to stay behind. That she wasn’t needed. That Leia was who could seal this alliance. The party needed to be as small as possible. Rey didn’t even know who they were meeting. Or where. Only that this new alley could shift the tides in their favor. They’d tell her everything when they returned. They’d celebrate. “This is it, Rey!” Poe had smiled at her as he left. “Get ready because when we get back, we are going to break out that madallian narcolethe I’ve seen in the storeroom. Not much better than rocket fuel, but it’ll do. We’ll toast the Resistance! Toast to the beginning of the end of the First Order.”

Except they didn’t return. The emergency beacon Leia carried had gone off and the rescue team was sent.

A moment later she felt it happen. It rippled through her, sharp and quick and violent. But she wrapped herself in a blanket of denial and pushed the threatening truth down. No. Not until she had seen it with her own eyes...

And so she waited. Pacing the hallway just outside the hanger bay, ignoring the pit in her stomach and the pull at her heart.

Almost a standard hour later, the rescue team returned. Where they had left in fire and adrenaline, they returned in a funeral dirge. Rey watched in horror as they unloaded a body, wrapped in white cloth streaked with crimson from the ship. There were no attempts being made at revival. Just reverence in carrying the form as dignified as they could. Though covered in blood and ash, it was impossible to mistake the identity of the body.

 

_Leia._

Leia was dead.

 

Her stomach dropped and her feet seemed cemented to the ground. She felt like she wanted to vomit. To scream. But nothing came. Even with acknowledging to herself that she had felt Leia leave the Force, her emotional wall continued to build itself up, protecting her heart. She felt numb. She just stood, wide-eyed and watched the body of the woman she’d come to regard as almost a mother pushed past her.

Poe was brought out next. He looked a blooded mess and she feared he too was among the body count, but to her relief and amazement, she saw him stir. She suddenly found the will to move her feet and rushed to his side. The rancid mixture of blood, burned flesh, and sweat made her stomach churn.

“Poe!” She grabbed for his hand. He took it and looked up at her through bloodshot eyes. “Poe, what happened?”

He made a noise- completely unintelligible and his hand tightened on hers, pain stealing all color from his face.

“Shhh...” She soothed and then tried to sound confident and reassuring. “Let me… Let me see if I can help…”

Force healing. It was a skill she had been trying to master. She’d attempted it the first time on herself, months ago, when she’d looked in the mirror the morning after… well, the morning after _him_ , and saw the purpling havoc that had been unleashed on her neck. Desperate to not have a reminder of that night and her shame painted across her skin, she’d tried to tap into the Force to heal those bruises away. She’d only succeeded in fading them slightly, as touching each one brought back vivid memories of exactly how they had been imprinted to her body and focus was impossible to find. But she’d be able to grasp the theory behind it. And since then, she’d experimented on things like minor cuts and bruises, hangovers and headaches.

She looked over Poe’s injuries. They were so much more extensive than she’d ever tried. But the way he looked like he was about to lose consciousness at any moment made her steal all her courage and try.

 _Start simple_ , she told herself. A split lip. She had fixed that before. A black eye. That’s nothing but a bruise. Cuts and scrapes… those were easy. She watched his flesh underneath her hands knit back together.

The laceration on his head proved more difficult. It was jagged and deep, extending from above his eyebrow all the way up to the top of his head. Her forehead beaded with sweat as she concentrated on sealing his flesh, stitching the wound back together. But even after it had closed, he was still wincing and gasping in pain. She traveled her awareness down his body, reaching out for the source. When she found it, she gasped and her eyes sprung open.

“Maker…” She withdrew her hands and her awareness. She looked to one of the med techs that had rushed out to meet the returning crew. “His… his back… It’s broken. Down low. But…” She dared to reach out one more time to check that she had felt correct. “...but his spinal column is still intact… I don’t think I can… if I move wrong…” She looked back to Poe, “I’m so sorry. I can’t. If I slip at all… I can’t…”

He shook his head, hand still grasping hers. He rasped out, “Rey… You need to…”

“Shhh… it’s ok. I’m just… I don’t have enough practice. I’ve never healed something this extensive. I wouldn’t be about to live with myself if I… If I messed up. You need a bacta tank. You need someone with training.“ And she felt like she had failed, unable to even attempt to heal what her friend so desperately needed. The team started to push the gurney out, but Poe made a motion and a grunt to stop them. Rey looked at him utterly puzzled. “Let them take you, Poe. They’ll fix you up. I can’t…”

“No…” He gasped out. “Gotta show…” And then pain stole his voice. So instead, he pulled her hand up to his forehead. The look in his eyes was pleading. He nodded and pressed her hand to his own head harder.

“You… you want me to go inside your mind?” She questioned. And he nodded.  “Poe… No… I’ve only ever—” And she fought back the memory… the look in _his_ eyes… the sound of _his_ voice… the feel of their minds fighting for dominance…

Poe snapped her back with a strangled, raspy groan, “ _Please_ …”

Damn these men and their pleas…“I’ll try. I can’t promise. I just… Please open your mind to me. Let me in. Don’t fight me, or I’m afraid of what it will do to you right now. Promise me… let me in.” She saw him nod and she placed her fingers just hovering over his temple and reach out… carefully. It was all too easy to slip inside his head, the memory he was trying to show her glowing before her. All she had to do was reach out and take it...

Images flashed before her. Broken, blurred and ragged. Poe was obviously fighting to stay conscious, but he was determined to show her what had happened.

 

_She saw pieces of the delegation, but in choppy images, as if someone was zooming forward through a holo. Poe at Leia’s side. Hands shaking in agreement. A feeling of relief._

_Then, suddenly..._

_An explosion. Blinding pain. Darkness._

_The memory Poe was showing her slowed. Something started to come into focus, like waking from a deep sleep and blinking your vision clear in the dim light of morning. Smoke from the explosion made it hard to breathe. Dust clogged his lungs. He searched around him, head pounding, something thick and red streaming into his eyes from a stabbing pain at his crown. He saw Leia, lying crumpled just a few feet away from him. He tried to crawl to her, but his legs refused to obey. But Leia stirred and pulled herself up to sitting. She took in the scene that lay before her and immediately hit a button on the bracelet of her wrist- their emergency beacon to call for help._

_A cloaked and masked figure stepped out of the smoke and rubble. He searched through the carnage and his eyes locked on Leia. He advanced on her and she tried to retreat, but she herself was injured and couldn’t move fast enough. The figure stopped before her and held a blaster to her chest. A chilling voice snared out “Your son sends his regards.”_

_And then there was a single blaster shot. Poe cried out, army crawling, dragging his useless legs in the direction of Leia’s prone form on the ground, ruby-red pooling beneath her. He didn’t get far before a blow hit him on the head and all went black again_.

 

Rey pulled herself from Poe’s head and she watched his eye flutter closed and his hand went limp in hers, having used the last ounce of his feeble strength. Those words, “Your son sends his regards” played over and over in her head as she stumbled backward, hitting the wall. She barely registered Poe being rushed to the makeshift med bay, someone yelling to prepare a bacta tank.

_"Your son sends his regards.”_

_Your son._

She felt the bile rise in her throat.

The man who had held the blaster to Leia had not been… him. Rey cursed herself that his walk, the way he held his shoulders, the cadence of his speech were too emblazoned in her memory to be able to instantly determine that he had not been the one to pull the trigger.

 _Coward._ She thought. She’d watched him murder his own father in cold blood. What? Was he now so high and mighty on his throne as Emperor and Supreme Leader that he had to send a lapdog to dispatch of his mother for him?

Her chest felt tight. She couldn’t get a deep breath. She was growing lightheaded.

 

Then it happened. It grounded her instantly.

She felt _him_ pulling on their thread again

 

But this time he yanked. Desperately. She practically doubled over from the strength of it. And with it came a wave that knocked down the wall that had sprung up instantly around her emotions. Despair. Overwhelming sadness. Shock. Heartache. It flooded her, flowed through her as the dam inside her broke. Tears welled up in her eyes and spilled down her face in torrents. She let out a strangled sob and felt her knees give out, falling to the floor. And she _keened_ , her body shaking uncontrollably, everything pouring out of her at once. She wrapped her arms around herself and rocked, giving herself over to the lament that crushed her soul.

Slowly, the grief transformed to rage, bubbling to the surface, and taking aim. She _hated_ him. Hated him for having this effect on her. Hated him for daring to pull on the bond _now_ _,_ after the atrocity he’d just committed. He must be taunting her, baiting her. Did he want to show off, show his power over her by cutting her heart again to pieces and then trying to wrench their bond open to relish in the pain he caused her for denying him so long ago?

She refused to give him that satisfaction. Gathering all her strength, she brought herself up to standing, bracing herself against the wall. She rubbed the streaming tears out of her eyes and clutched her stomach that ached from the sobs that had ravaged her body. Biting her lip and focusing through the pain flowing through her, she found her anger and wrapped it around her, feeling it set her very veins ablaze. And then she bolted out of the building and ran headlong for the forest.

She didn’t stop running until she reached a clearing, far away from the Resistance shelter. Gasping for breath, she grabbed the stitch in her side. The pain actually helped her. She used it, channeling it along with months of anger, frustration, and disgust she had built up. She used the memory of Poe, a bloody and broken mess. She used the image of Leia’s body being carried out, blood still dripping from the sheets to the floor. Another desperate yank from him and she felt like her heart was being pulled from her chest. She screamed into the sky, reached into her mind to find that long-locked door and flung their bond open. The second she felt his presence materialize, she let her rage flow into her words, painting them with venom and hurling them in his direction.  

“You loathsome, despicable, murderous monster! How dare you reach out to me! How dare you try to talk to me after what you did!” She felt more tears sting at her eyes. They clouded her vision, making everything around her a blur of color. She registered his shape, a kneeling lump of black on the ground in front of her and she took a step toward him. “Murdering coward! At least with your father, you did it yourself. At least you looked Han in the eyes when you killed him. But you didn’t have the guts the do that to your mother, huh? Had to send someone else to do your dirty work? Couldn’t look the woman who carried you, bore you, loved you in the eyes while you ran her through?” Her voice started to crack as her strength faltered. But she fought through it, compelled by a need to make him hurt just as much as she was. “She still loved you. After everything you’ve done, she _loved_ you! She still held out hope that you’d come home. And this is how you repay her?” A bitter, cruel laugh escaped from deep in her chest, “And then, you have the absolute audacity to reach out to me? To pull at our bond, to break me down, to manipulate my emotions and take advantage of my pain. What? Did it thrill to you to knock me to my knees? Did feeling my pain and my tears make you feel like a man, instead of the cowardly child you are? You are an absolute and utter monster, _Kylo_ , and you can just kriff off—.”

A sob stopped her words, coming from that mass at her feet. Blinking the tears from her eyes, her vision gradually cleared and she took in, for the first time the man before her. The sight of him stole the fire from her heart and left her all but speechless.

He was dressed as for battle, mask and cape and gloves- everything that protected him from anything real on the outside world. But despite his accouterments, this wasn’t the menacing dark knight she’d seen on the battlefield. His hands held onto either side of his helmet, almost as if he was trying cradle his face through the metal and he rocked slightly in the fetal position on the ground. The sounds he was making were almost inhuman- moans and anguished cries that can only come from the depths of sorrow, amplified and distorted by the voice modulator.

He was a mirror image of what she had been reduced to moments ago. Rey felt all the rage in her body dissipate. He hadn’t knocked down the emotional wall she’d built up, at least not intentionally. Blinded by shock and trying to process a pain which had split her soul in two, she failed to recognize the foreignness of the sadness that had swept through her at his call. It mingled with her own. Had she been in a better state of mind, she’d have felt _him_. But she’d mistakenly assumed that the heartache of this loss was hers alone.

She swallowed the lump in her throat as she knelt down. The pain radiating from him almost vibrated the air around him. A deep need arose within her; she needed to see him… his face… his eyes. She needed to touch him. To connect with him. To comfort him. Her hands reached out, slowly, cautiously, as if approaching a cornered animal. She found the clasps at the side of his mask and unlocked them, the hiss from the release making her jump slightly. He didn’t resist or try to stop her. In fact, he angled his head to help her as she gently lifted the heavy, black visage off of him. His dark hair fell about his face and he brought his gaze up to find hers.  Looking into those depths, the tragedy and sorrow painted there, shattered her soul. No, the dark knight, the “monster” was gone. The warm, shining, chocolate brown eyes of a frightened and broken boy stared back at her.

“R-Rey?” He choked out, hiccoughing and stumbling over his words. “P-please, Rey. W-w-what happened?”

She stared at him a moment in disbelief, “You don’t know—“

“I-I know she’s gone.” His face crumbled. “I felt it. But… b-but how?”

 _That’s_ when Rey fully realized the depth of her mistake.

“You really have no idea, do you?” She asked, her eyes searching his. He only shook his head in response, a pleading look boring into her. He looked so young and so very frightened, clinging on her very breath for something, anything that she could tell him. She reached her hand up and brushed a few strands of his hair out of his eyes, resting her palm against his cheek. “Your mother… she was murdered. On a mission to delegate peace and cooperation with a new alley. Poe showed me through a memory. They were ambushed. No one saw it coming. The man… the man who murdered her… the last words he spoke to her was ‘Your son sends his regards’ … before shooting her. It sounded like you organized this ambush. That ordered your own mother's assassination to cripple the Resistance.”

Rey watched the wave of emotions pass over his face. Anger. Sorrow. Disbelief. Betrayal. “No…” he stammered. “No. Why would you believe… I would never—”

“Never?” She responded. “I’ve seen what you are capable of. Can you really blame me for believing you would be behind this?”

A little fire returned to his voice, “That was different. That was Snoke’s influence. His manipulation.” He placed his hands at the spot between his eyes, pressing down as he took a deep breath. “And I’ve regretted that every day since.” His hand grasped out and took hers, squeezing it tightly. She could feel him tremble. “I had _no_ idea. The order did not come from me.”

“If it wasn’t you, then—”

Realization struck him as he hissed out: “Hux.” The way his eyes flashed with vengeance sent a chill up Rey’s spine. “He’s not so stupid as to believe my story from the throne room. He knows what I did to Snoke. He knows it was to protect you. He hates you just as much as he hates me. Organizing this… accomplished delivering a damning blow to the Resistance, and inflicted pain on us both…”

Rey closed her eyes, trying to take in the cacophony of conflicting emotions. Before she could even begin to process this new information, he continued “I felt it, Rey… I felt her leave the Force. It was so sudden. Violent…” His voice broke. When he spoke next, his words came out in a desperate deluge “I promise I didn’t make the order. I couldn’t do that, Rey… I couldn’t. You can check.” And he grabbed both her hands and brought them to his temples, holding them in place. His eyes pleaded with hers. “Go in my head. Look inside. _Please_ , Rey. I need you to see... I need you to believe...” He took a deep breath and seemed to pause a second as if bracing himself for her intrusion into his head. She felt his consciousness tug at hers as if he was trying to pull her into his mind, but she resisted. He started to sob again, his tears streaming down his cheeks. He groaned in frustration and spoke through bared teeth. “Do it, Rey! DO IT! Dig into every corner you can. You’ll see… You’ll see I’m telling the truth—”

He was quaking with desperation and she pulled him into her arms, “Shhh… I know you are. I know.” He fell against her chest, his head resting on her shoulder as his arms wrapped around her waist. She ran her fingers through his hair and gently rubbed his back, all while hushing him softly. “I know. I believe you. You couldn’t have had anything to do with this. I believe you. Shhhh… I’m here now.” She ventured to kiss the top of his head, whispering into his hair,  “I’m here, Ben.”

Her mouth wrapped around that name, the one she’d refused to call him for almost a year… the one that his mother had given him. It glided off her tongue, like a prayer, like a song.

He stilled for a moment when she said it. And it felt like salvation to them both, his name from her lips. Like water in the desert. The breath he was holding released, warm against her skin, and with it another wave of tears. And this time it overtook them both. They stayed that way for a long time, intertwined in each other, seeking comfort in each other with their presence.

Months of the bond being held captive by anger released and with it a weight of tension lifted from them both. It felt as if golden warmth was wrapping around them as the bond hummed between them. Even in such blinding sadness, it was almost as if they had found home.

Once their tears had slowed, he was the one to speak. He pulled back enough to look her in the eyes. “Never call me anything but Ben. Please. I thought I wanted Ben Solo dead and buried… but hearing _you_ call me that name…” He swallowed deeply. “I missed it falling from your lips.” He leaned back, kneeling on both knees. He ripped off his gloves and threw them aside. His warm, bare hand found one of hers and engulfed it, bringing it up to his heart and placing it firmly over its steady rhythm. “Say it again. Please. I need to hear it.”

She let out a gentle laugh as she relished his heartbeat thumping beneath her fingertips. “Ben…” She whispered out, closing her eyes and enjoying the way her mouth formed over the that single, beautiful syllable.

His eyes fell on her armband at her right upper arm. “Rey, have you…” with furrowed brows, he trailed his hand up her arm and found the fastener of the band. He made quick work of it, undoing it and slowing unwrapping her arm. Underneath was the scar she’d received flighting by his side. He knew that she’d been injured during their battle— he’d felt the blade of the guard slice her arm as if it was his own thanks to their bond. But this was the first time he’d seen it up close. It had healed beautifully, but it was all too easy to make out the shape of it. His fingertips brushed the light pink markings, tracing the pattern on her skin of two hands reaching out to each other. His thumb brushed all the way across it, feeling the raised edges of the mark.

Then he did something that stole the breath from her lungs. He bent forward and placed his lips gently where the scar hands met.

She stared down at him, his tenderness breaking her heart anew.

“Please don’t cover this. Never be ashamed of it. It’s beautiful. It reminds me that you are a warrior. Of how strong you are. How full of grace and fire.” He cupped her cheek again and she stared at him wide-eyed, his words making her heart pound in her chest. “It reminds me of when I knew I was falling for you.”

“Ben…” She leaned into his hand, her lips seeking out his palm. “That was so long ago now… And I messed up. I was foolish thinking you’d just leave everything and come with me. I rejected you. I abandoned you. And then I rejected you again…” She flushed at the memory. “I shut you out. How can you still…”

“Because it’s you, Rey... It’s always been you.” He leaned his forehead against hers. “I was unable to articulate my feelings then. I wasn’t able to make you see what you mean to me. I’ll never get the chance with my mother. I won’t let that happen with you.”

And he leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers.

It was so different than the kisses they shared on that fateful night months ago. Those were heated and desperate, lust-driven. This was slow and sweet. But filled to the brim with meaning, with passion and promise and most of all, hope. Their embrace deepened, heads tilting to taste one another. Rey fisted her hands in his tunic; Ben wrapped her in his arms as they relearned the shape and the feel of each other’s mouth. They slowed together and broke the kiss, separating just enough to again press their foreheads together, breathing each other in.

“Join me, Ben.” The phrase, echoing his proposal, slipped from her mouth with confidence, as her lips turned up with the smallest trace of a mischievous grin.

He almost choked on his response. “Rey, I can’t…” The look in his eyes was pained.  “If I come to the Resistance now, they’ll have me executed on the spot.”

“No, Ben. I want you to join _me_ . Not the Resistance. Me.” Her hands relaxed on his chest and she looked up at him with shining eyes. “The First Order has done nothing but cause you pain and misery for years… So leave it. Align yourself with me and me alone. Let’s do this together. Let’s figure out for ourselves what to believe in and who and what we should fight for.” A smile curled at her lips. “And… you know… I _do_ need a teacher… someone to show me how to control this… this power within me. _We_ will be the last Jedi. Together. United. Light and Dark.”

His eyes seemed to shift just a shade darker and his voice dropped to just this side of dangerous. He twisted a lock of her hair around his fingers and her breath hitched. “Oh, sweetheart, the things I wish to teach you… and learn with you.” And then she watched him do that beautifully ridiculous thing with his jaw, clenching it and resetting it as he thought, lips pursing. She smiled as her heart fluttered… Oh, the little things she’d learned about him that had she missed so. “But, where could we even meet? Anywhere the First Order has control you are a fugitive. And after everything that has happened, I’m sure there is a bounty on my head with the Rebels…”

“Ahch-To?” He gave her a puzzled look. “Where I found Luke. Where this bond of ours all started. It’s remote. It’s secluded. And it’s secret. I’ll grab the piece of the map before I go so no one can follow us.”

He couldn’t help but chuckle “So... you’ll finally give me the map, huh?”

She bit her lip to stop her laughter, the dimples in her cheeks betraying the serious tone she attempted, looking up at him while cocking her eyebrow. “Yes, Ben. And you didn’t even have to strap me to a chair this time.”

“See... I knew you’d give in eventually. I just had to find the right tactic… ” And he tilted her chin up and kissed her again. “So... we’re right back to the beginning.”

“Back to the beginning.” She asserted with a smile, then caught his hand, lacing their fingers and looking up at him, “But this time, together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Elopez7228](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elopez7228/pseuds/Elopez7228) created a beautiful piece of artwork for this chapter and I ADORE IT!
> 
> [](https://www.flickr.com/photos/145808226@N04/47925954116/in/dateposted-public/)  
>   
> 
> 
> I hope people aren’t too disappointed that this didn’t end in smut all over Ahch-To. I was just wanting to explore what might close off their bond and what might open it again. I actually had no intention of writing more than a kiss and maybe some naughty talk but then you put these two, unencumbered, in the same space and... they can’t keep their hands off each other!
> 
> However, I have written a companion piece for this called [Roll Like Thunder](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18975652) that is basically 10k of smut and feels. It's more bonus material than a continuation of this story. 
> 
> I’d love to know your thoughts! Comments and Kudos feed my soul!


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